Matthew 18:15-17 (You better know it!!)

I am person who absolutely hates confrontation. It is one of my greatest weaknesses as a leader/pastor/planter. However, it is one of the most necessary things for a leader (especially in the local church) to practice. Thankfully, the Bible has something to say about how it should be done (see Matthew 18:15-17)
I would highly recommend all pastors, planters, leaders, staffs, etc. study this passage in Matthew 18 because without a doubt YOU WILL HAVE TO DO THIS! As planters we hate to confront because we are desperate for people and we don't want anyone to get upset.
However, it is inevitable. I've done things to upset people who have left our church while others have followed Matthew 18 to confront me ... I prefer the hard conversation & confrontation with someone rather than have someone leave who never speaks to me about it.
People have done things to hurt me or the church and sometimes I've done nothing hoping it will go away and the result is usually 2-fold: #1--I feel bitterness and anger grow in me (not good and they block the Spirit) and #2--The situation does not go away but grows (not good because it hurts the church).

So here's some practical commentary based on our experiences the past four years regarding Matthew 18:

1) People have to be taught and encouraged to do this. We aren't taught this. This isn't modeled. We're taught to get upset and leave or sweep it under the rug. If small groups and other teams don't practice this, they will eventually crumble do to lack of openness ... and you're not really open until you can openly discuss differences.

2) A lot of times people will want to tell the pastor/leader they have a problem with someone in the church or with a staff member. Encourage them to pray and speak directly to the person, rather than let you handle the 'dirty work'. Matthew 18:15 is pretty clear -- they go and discuss it in person individually first.

3) For pastors/planters: I don't think we are supposed to go around doing all the confronting. We've got to pick and choose our battles and not expend leadership capital on every little rumor, incident, issue, or situation that pops up. However, other leaders, staff, etc. need to be willing to not let 'bad stuff' hang around. Deal with it in love and deal with it quickly! (Trust me ... I've dealt with things in anger and dealt with things with delay and both are bad). This is a strong reason for pastors/planters to have some type of advisory board or Elders or leadership team (preferably lay people) -- people that have the vision, are loyal, and are willing to protect the church, the staff, and their integrity. This group will have the pastor's/planter's back and you can trust them to handle situations AND to confront you when needed (and let's face it we all need it every now and then).

4) For churches: what does taking an issue to the church look like for your church? Does that mean a called business meeting? Does that mean you as the Pastor deal with it? An advisory board? Elder Board? Deacons? A special team?
I don't think it matters so long as you have a plan, a process, and a commitment to follow Matthew 18:15-17.